Maje Ayida, renowned fitness entrepreneur and former husband of media personality and Nollywood actress Toke Makinwa, has broken his silence about the emotional turmoil he faced following their high-profile divorce. In a heartfelt testimony delivered at a UK church now circulating widely on social media, Ayida revealed that the backlash from the public and the shame he felt led him into a deep depression.
Opening up with raw honesty, Ayida recounted how the end of his marriage in 2016 triggered a downward spiral that lasted an entire year. He said the intense public scrutiny made him withdraw from society and left him grappling with feelings of failure, shame, and hopelessness.
“I will be honest about the fact that I went through a divorce which resulted in me being depressed. It was a very publicised divorce,” he admitted.
“And that left me feeling very alone. I withdrew from society, I was really ashamed of my situation. Not just for myself, of course, my self-esteem was affected, but legacy is very important to me. I was ashamed of what I felt I had done to my family’s name. As a result, I went into hiding.”
The gym expert went on to describe how depression took a toll on his professional life and sense of identity.
“I didn’t want to interact with anyone. I wanted to be alone, stay at home. I stopped going to work. I found it very difficult to work. It was very hard. I not only lose focus but also motivation. I lose the essence of to even get up in the morning. What am I getting up for? Everyone already feels a certain way about me. So, I started to lose work as a result of it. That was when it really started to get to me.”
Ayida, who described work as a critical part of his identity as a man, said losing business deals and focus worsened his mental state.
“As a man, your work is your identity, and I started to lose work, business deals so it became a real problem for me. That was when I made a decision. I had to make a decision for my own survival because I was living in hopelessness. It went on for weeks.”
He continued:
“I was out of the loop for a whole year. I checked out of life for a year to recoup. I realised that I was in a very dark space. I was in a hole but I needed to get out of it… I was on the floor. What’s sleep? I didn’t even know what that was. I had insomnia.”
According to Ayida, the journey to recovery began with self-reflection and taking ownership of his actions.
“I was paranoid as well so the few chances that I do get to go out, I have created a scenario in my own mind that everybody is talking about me, people are looking at me. And that would just send me back into my own home. That feeling of hopelessness and the noise that was going on around me even though I was in silence was insane. I made a choice. I decided that I didn’t want to stay in this space.”
“I did research on how to deal with it. The top of the list of the research that I did was accountability. I took the blame on myself. It made me feel worse at first until I began to take practical steps.”
Maje Ayida and Toke Makinwa tied the knot in 2014, but their union came to an end in 2016 amid allegations of infidelity. In 2017, Ayida sued Makinwa for N100 million for defamation following the release of her memoir, On Becoming, where she detailed the collapse of their marriage.
His legal team had previously demanded the removal of defamatory content from the book, a request Makinwa reportedly ignored. However, in November 2020, a Lagos State High Court ruled in Ayida’s favor, awarding N500,000 in damages to be paid by the defendants to a charity of Ayida’s choosing, and restraining further production of the book with the said content.
Now on a path of healing and growth, Ayida’s candid testimony has struck a chord with many, shedding light on the silent battles men face during personal crises and the power of accountability in recovery.
